So I've had a few experiences lately where I have gotten a little defensive over Teagan. Some people just say the rudest things! Of course I try to never say something rude back, but I always think in my head or later about what comeback I COULD have said to really show them. I know that it is really immature, but I'm sure you've done it too. I've got the mother hen syndrome.
A couple days ago at the park I meet a mom with a daughter named Teagan. We were both calling our little ones and realized they had the same name so of course we talked about it since it's kind of an unusual name.
Her: I think our little ones have the same name
Me: Oh cool, I've hardly met anyone else with the same name
Her: I've never heard of someone calling a boy that name before, funny
Me: I've noticed that in Idaho, where we used to live there are lots of boy Teagans, and here in California there are lots of girl Teagans, it's one of those names that goes both ways I guess.
Her: I decided to name my daughter instead of my son that because I guess it's more of a girl name (not her EXACT words, but that was the general idea)
Me: oh, interesting.
In my head: Oh yours is a girl, I thought for sure it was a boy, funny.
Today we were at First 5 which is like library story time but they do arts and crafts and games too, it is SO fun and SO free! Well, in walks grandma with her prodigy grandchild. Seriously this kid was incredible. He was 19 months old and knew all of his letters, numbers, colors and shapes. Our conversation:
Me: WOW, he is so smart I can't believe he does so well with recognizing the letters!
Grandma: Well we work with him a lot
...she tells me all about the family situation, he spends four days a week with g-ma and g-pa and fri, sat, sun with his parents and we had a nice little conversation...
Teagan came up and I introduced them.
Grandma: So how old is he
Me: 22 months
Grandma: Does he know his alphabet yet?
Me: Oh no, he's not even really talking much yet, but he does really well with other things.
Grandma: Oh, do you let him watch TV
Me: oh yes, he watches movies while I tutor in the afternoon (not to mention the hour of PBS while I clean and get ready in the morning)
Grandma: mmm, that's why
and she didn't really say much else.
What I wished I would have said:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME he is not even 2 yet, he plays outside with dirt and sticks and rocks and builds forts and crushes them, why in the world would he know his alphabet. And why in the world is that such a horrible thing?!!?!?!?
I'll admit, the TV is bad and I do wish he would let me read to him and I don't work with him on the smarty stuff as much as I should, but I'm sure he is going to turn out normal. I do worry that he isn't talking, but I receive daily pep talks from my sister Julie about how all kids develop differently and he is going to be fine, thank you Julie.
How is it that people can push your buttons so easily. Perhaps it's that I'm insecure about being a mom and I always want to hear that I'm doing a good job because I worry that I'm not. UGH, why are mom's so critical of themselves. Deep down I do know that I am a good mom. I play with him a lot and he is such a sweet boy and gives hugs and kisses and is an athletic little man. Even if he doesn't talk til he's 4 I'll still love him. AND I'm not gonna let some snooty people I meet along the way tell me that he isn't PERFECT the way he is, or let me loose my temper, or make me feel like I'm a bad mom. All there is to do is try your best.
The End
Veggie Smoothies
16 years ago
15 comments:
Some people are just clueless and they are lucky you are so sweet, I probably would have snapped at them both :) Kids are so different, they are little individuals after all and you are a great mom!
melissa, i would feel the same way. teagan is your baby boy and the most perfect thing in the world. how dare someone say he's not perfect. :) of course, none of us are. we cant compare ourselves or our kids with others.
YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM! teagan is lucky to have you.
GOSH! that's all i can say. hopefully some day that grandma will feel ashamed when her grand kid can't even drop a rock and he'll probably never master the "high 5". the poor kid will never have the taste of loves for just being cute or he'll never get to comprehend the word "FUN". that's sad. little boys need dirt and bugs just as much as they need their fruits and vegetables.
julie's right! kids will develop at their own pace. you'll see... one of your kids will be gabbing away already at this age. you can't control how fast they choose to learn something. he IS perfectly normal and absolutely perfect.
i remember one time i passed by a little boy at the grocery store. i smiled at him while he was sitting in the cart and he spit at me. to show my appreciation... i spit on him back. i know i know, how immature daegan... but hey, someone's got to teach that kid how to take what he dished up. thank goodness mom was not watching... she might want to have participated ;)
p.s. you should have thrown a math problem at grandma... let's see how knowledgeable she is!
oh oh oh! i forgot to add... you should have told the parent of the teagan daughter... "so, do you LOVE being a dad?"
Oh Melis, I just love you! You are a strong woman for resisting the temptation to say something mean back to those women. I don't think I would have resisted the urge to bite back with a snide remark. :)
So I'm not sure if this is true or not, but it seems like a lot of kids develop speech or gross/fine motor skills. Obviously they end up developing both just fine, but at first one goes faster than the other. I'm no pediatrician, but in my mind, there's no question that Teagan is perfectly normal. I think you are such a great mom! I really admire the way you parent and hope to implement much of what you do in my own parenting! Teagan is an adorable, perfect 22-month-old little boy!!! :)
You asked, "Why are mom's so critical of themselves." My very wise friend tells me that when the child comes out the guilt goes in. Part of parenting is to know you are doing the very best you can and that's pretty DAMN GOOD!! My guess is that Teagan knows more about how to have fun, how to be a friend, and how to love his family than that other kid. My question is: In the long run what is going to matter to you, Zac, and Teagan - that he knew calculus at 2-years-old or that he knows he is loved and he knows how to be in healthy relationships with others? I choose the latter.
By the way if you ever have questions regarding his speech, contact me - I graduate in Speech Language Pathology in May and I can answer any questions you may have.
And Melissa, give yourself a break and trust your motherly intuition - it gets you further than listening to not-so-kind know-it-alls :)
You gotta pity that grandma and grandkid. The kid is getting the message that love and approval are tied to performance. It is sad that a "mature" woman doesn't know any better. You gotta wonder who she got that message from and how she is "measuring up." You also have to wonder, "where is the mother?" All very sad. You should be very happy that Teagan is getting the sure message that he is loved completely and that his mother is nearby to tend to his needs. You can't give that security and confidence any OTHER way. No alphabet knowledge can compensate for failure in the mother-child bond. So there! Now the snappy comment: "That is so sad (in love and logic tone of voice), that sweet boy is missing out on the simple joys of little boyhood."
For sure all kids develop at different times! Carson talks a ton but I don't credit that to myself, that's from hanging out with 2 older cousins all the time that he needs to talk to to survive. Plus Teagan was walking and climbing on thing way earlier then Carson. Like while he was still doing the army crawl! Sometime you should just say what you think. Yeah it's juvenile but it would definitely make you feel better for a minute :). I always want to do that to people. Shoot this is long. Bye!
Oh yeah. There is a reason that Carson has his favorite movies. Sometimes mom just needs some time to herself to get things done and stay sane! Ok I'm done for real now...
I just try and tell myself when I meet uppity people like that that at least my kid is happy and healthy and you never know what thier perfect little angel is like behind closed doors.
Oh and Teagan is TOTALLY a boy name. I see it all the time at work and I have never one heard of a girl named that!
You go girl !!! I am a grandma and life is toooo short not to enjoy every bug catching, dirt smashing, scooter riding moment.
You and Zac are great don't let anyone tell you different.
Keep posting I love the up dates
Deena.
Okay.... here is my opionion..... THe name thing... HELLO - my name is Mickie, why do you think I always write Mickie Ann, so people know that I am a girl, I use to get the Military calling me to enlist... plus now a days... I know so many girls named Taylor, Tyler, Haiden, and Bruce.
The TV thing... Tietjen has watched TONS and TONS of TV. That is where he learns. He won't let me teach him. He is in speach therapy right now, but.... he exceeds in the language part of it. Also this past week, his speach teacher told me that she things he will be a really good reader, we were doing this wooden puzzle of the ABC's and he can find where they go very quickly. TV can be bad, but if you are watching education shows, it actualy can help them learn. (That is MY opinion)
Don't worry about the talking thing. Let Teagan do things at his pace. This society is to worried about the rat race. I think he is doing GREAT!!
and you are a GREAT mother!!!
Wow. First of all, I can't really picture a girl Teagan. Secondly, when people push little kids too hard to become brainiacs, it doesn't give them any head start by the time everyone's been in school for a year or two, and it can actually have a negative impact and stress them out. I am so not for that kind of thing. Also, I try to have Steven watch one thing a day so he can hear more than just me talking--without older siblings you need some variation. Oh, and Steven's doctor said that words are nowhere near as important at this age as being able to understand what we are saying and somehow let us know what they want. Haha, you can tell I have some opinions on these subjects. What rude (and, in my opinion, wrong) people!
You are the perfect mom for Teagan- trust your mom gut. He is learning and taking in far more than you think... kiddos learn so much from your example and environment that you create. Do your best.
Love
Rebekah
Hey Melissa, I think you did a great job of being calm, I agree with Megan, i would have snapped at them or said something rude right back. I try to get my girls to watch TV and they don't have any interest in it. it sure makes it hard for me to get anything done. Anyways, your doing a great job. I have to tell myself that often or i would probably have a lot less hair.
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