So Teagan is the happiest and sweetest little boy when he has my attention, or anyone's attention. Even if I'm sitting in the same room he's great. But man, when he isn't the focus he can be a little stinker. This morning at Walmart was one of those times where my face was turning red out of frustration. He was just being naughty. He was doing a LOT of whining he slapped my arm and did a lot more whining for toys. It was embarrassing, but I really needed the diapers and milk and laundry detergent so I just dealt with it. By the end of the trip I was going borderline crazy and ready to lock Teagan in his room for a couple hours.
The sad part was that I was really frustrated with Teagan, not my situation, I was just mad at him for being so bad, which I know is wrong. So I'm driving down the freeway trying to analyze where I went wrong with my love and logic and where I wasn't following through and beating myself up about it and my thoughts went to a post my friend Daegan did last week about Christ's atonement. She talked a lot about how if we share our frustrations with our Heavenly Father we can ask for the atonement of Christ to assist in our issues.
I started wondering, how could Christ assist in my issues as a parent? Does Christ understand my frustration? He was never a parent while on earth. Does he really know about trying to discipline a toddler? No, he didn't discipline a toddler, but he did feel the helplessness and frustration that I feel as a parent and he overcame it. I imagine that being rejected by those who witnessed his miracles and being crucified by his own people gave him a lot of feelings of helplessness and frustration. I wonder if he ever felt he was working towards a lost cause like I do sometimes.
I've been listening to conference talks while I've been running lately and one has been on my mind lately. The words really touched me, Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk called "None were with Him" here is what he said:
Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this. Had He not said to His disciples, “Behold, the hour . . . is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me” and “The Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him”?
With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required; indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.
But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.”18 Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”
Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless. [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”
What a comfort to know that not only did Christ feel the same things I'm feeling, but because of him I get to have the guidance of the Spirit and the comfort of the spirit through my small trials. I can pray and ask for patience and remember Christ suffered those things and understands my feelings. Somehow that brought me so much comfort and just thinking about Christ's atonement and it's impact on me completely changed my whole attitude. By the time we got home a few minutes later I felt so much more able to be a good mom. I had the energy to make up choices for Teagan and follow through with what I said and be consistent. He is now asleep and I'm even better!
Parenting is so hard, but I can't imagine it without the help and comfort of the Holy Ghost. I am so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and the impact it personally has on me. I know I usually don't write about spiritual things, but today I felt prompted to share my thoughts with the world, I hope they help.
So we had this brilliant idea to go to the "Build a Bear" in our mall and put the bubbas inside of the bear and call it the bubba bear. He LOVES the bear! He likes to carry it around with him everywhere. He did about have a heart attack when he saw the worker sew his bubba inside the bear, but he got over it quick. He tried to open up the back a couple times and whimpered a little the first night he had the bear. But he hasn't asked for a bubba since. WHOOOOO! He still isn't sleeping as good as he did before. His naps are shorter and he wakes up earlier so I'm having second thoughts, but I'm DEFINITELY not going to go back! 
I don't want summer to be over. Pool season is almost gone. The pool isn't heated so even if it gets to 80 every day outside the cool nights make the pool freezing! Luckily we'll have the sunshine to stick around for a few more months, I should just be grateful for what we get!
PEEK A BOO!
We were walking away from the hotel on to see more sights of the island when we passed these awesome family beach bikes. I got SO excited cause I've ALWAYS wanted to rent one. Never have cause they are rediculously priced, but Zac couldn't tell me no after he saw how excited I was. My dream came true and we drove our family bike along the beach for my favorite hour today.
Swimming in the pool, we did this at least every other day. Yesterday he was at the point where he can get around with just his little arm floaties, he is like a little fish! 
